I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
