I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Text me some of your sweat
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
