Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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