i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
