well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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