no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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