gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
