either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
