peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
