so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
