So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
