Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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