when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
