That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
