even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
