I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
