Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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