last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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