Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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