my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
