I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
