Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
