WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
