I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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