I just cut my nipple shaving
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
