If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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