sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
