Say something about gay babies.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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