Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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