she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
