remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
