Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
