Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
