guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
