I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you never un-have a 4some
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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