I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
