My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize