I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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