it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
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