I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
