So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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