Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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