North Korea, Best Korea!
that's an acceptable place to lick
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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