I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
