Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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