she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
