I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
