I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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