One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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