i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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